Resiliency…What’s that?
Hi there,
How are you? Really, how are you doing? Can I ask you to take a few deep breaths before you go any further, take a moment in whatever position or activity you are currently in? If it’s safe and if you’re able, I’d like you to close your eyes (after you read the rest of these instructions of course, haha). I want you to breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth as if you were blowing through a straw. Slowly, take your time. Do this a few times. Gently notice the rise and fall of your abdomen as your lungs expand and contract, the crispness of the air going in through your nostrils, the warmth and sound of your breath as you exhale. On each exhale, allow your shoulders to drop, let the tension begin to ease in your muscles and allow yourself to relax. Truly relax. You have been doing and carrying so much and perhaps you just need a moment.
Okay, very good. So again, how are you doing? Better, I hope after that. I hope you’re hanging in there.
The prayer is that problems are few and far between but as you and I know, that’s not always the reality. Sometimes, they’re once in a blue moon and other times it seems as though they’re occurring EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Between layoffs, the cost of groceries or summer camp, a flat tire or that weird sound in your car engine you’ve been ignoring for weeks now, an economic recession, a breakup, randomly losing your wallet, a health scare or loss, news of war and so on, it seems as though you just can’t catch a break. And if you happen to catch a break, the next thing is right around the corner waiting to emerge. So yes, of course it makes sense you’re tired- physically and emotionally. Fatigue that manifests in your sleep, your mood, or your energy levels; fatigue that manifests as a short temper, isolation, dysregulated eating, negative self talk, substance use and other maladaptive responses. I get it, who wouldn’t be overwhelmed?
However, I’m finding that the point to life is not the absence of problems or stress (I mean if you’ve figured a way, please share with the rest of the class??!) but it’s in our ability to navigate and overcome them; to remain light and buoyant despite the stressors. Of course, you’ll be affected when you go through hard things. That’s the appropriate response. In fact, I’d be more concerned if you remained unbothered. But I think the point is to remain resilient, to stay afloat so that life stressors don’t win, that they don’t rob you of your light or change the essence of your person. These challenges can and will certainly stretch you and grow you, but that they don’t overcome or harden you. That your: character, health, humour, friendliness, care, consideration of others, ability to forgive, willingness to try again or take risks, willingness to give and much more remains, despite the heartbreak(s), disappointment(s) or setback(s) you experience. Now, that's a real challenge.
"How", you ask? Thank you very much for that question. The lovely Dawn shared great practical tips in the last blog and these are my personal favorites:
Breathe deeply. Not the shallow rapid ones we’ve gotten used to, but deep, full, long breaths just like you did a moment ago. It regulates the body, allows for better blood circulation and oxygen flow. It also allows for better sleep, mood regulation and easing muscle tension we don’t realise we carry in our necks, shoulders, jaws even and other body parts.
Move. I KNOW the temptation to plop on a bed or couch and just scroll. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s counterproductive to lifting your mood. Moving increases production of serotonin and stabilising your mood so incorporate small moments of movement into your everyday e.g., step outside and take two laps around your home. Get up from your home office desk (aka bed lol) and stretch for a few minutes. Do a 10-rep squat or a half-fold 4 different times during the day. Twist your torso from side to side, regularly. Dance. It really doesn’t matter what it is, just as long as you’re moving throughout the day. A 45 min gym session is fantastic but not enough when you consider you’ve been sedentary for more than half the day.
Notice. Allow yourself to notice good, pleasant, beautiful and funny moments in your life. They may seem small or silly, but they are significant in mood regulation. Noticing positive moments helps to calm your nervous system, lift your mood, build optimism and even foster gratitude. I take walks during my lunch break and it’s my absolute delight to see a butterfly dart across my line of sight, to hear the sound of wind and the leaves in trees, to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin, the hardness of the ground with each step, or to do a quick shimmy to the song I’m listening to. Don’t tell anyone but once or twice, I’ve literally just burst into a random run, and it makes me laugh so much! Thinking about other people seeing me look ridiculous makes me laugh even harder. So yes, try it for yourself and notice things like the soap suds when you wash your hands, the warmth of a loved one when you hug them, that situation you overcame even when you thought you never would, the miracle that is being able to taste, chew, swallow and digest food, someone being thoughtful, that one time you held back when you really didn't want to, the squirrel in your yard and the kind of life they’re living and other seemingly mundane things. Allow yourself to smile and belly laugh often.
These are some ways that journey of resiliency and buoyancy begins; that your heart remains light despite what your eyes may have seen. Hopefully, we get to talk some more about other things - complex yet necessary - to becoming resilient. Now, I recognize that some situations are more severe than others, and perhaps you might need support navigating them. That’s perfectly okay. The Love & Therapy Team is only a click away to help you through it. But you are just as capable, and you might surprise yourself...
Until next time,
Tanitoluwa
